Chapter 1: Mirror Musings

I stared at the girl. She's pretty...I guess.  Her face is round, her forehead broad, high cheekbones, strong jaw, button nose, almond shaped eyes. Her skin is the color of hot chocolate mix, a light, beautiful brown.  When I tilted my head she did the same, her pouty pink lips parting in a smile that revealed perfect teeth.

I took a step back, she follows suit and I get a good look at her body. Thank God for the pretty face, she's so skinny she looks like she drinks salt water. She's shaped like a plank, no lady bulges, no feminine curves. Her tiny breasts were hidden beneath a large white shirt that read "This is all my mommy bought me from her vacation in The Bahamas".  She's short too, the legs of the baggy sweats she decided to wear today puddle around her ankles, I noticed she had to pull the legs up to make even those two small steps. 

My eyes locked on the inky black curls at her shoulders, they're dull and lifeless, I guess the red scrunchie on her tiny wrist will be used to tie her hair back. 

"Brook!"

The sudden shout draws my attention and when I frown the girl frowns, suddenly she disappears and is replaced by another girl, younger but looks a whole lot older. My sixteen year old cousin frowns at me, "What are you doing?" She demands, "You're supposed to be riding with me, remember? Aunty said I could use your car."

I released an exasperated sigh, I had one day off from a job I despised and the last thing I wanted to do was spend it with London. I didn't hate my cousin, I envied her. My mother treated her better than she did me, always going out of her way to make sure London was happy, and once again that meant making a decision that involved me without consulting me first.

"I don't want to go to the mall, what could you possibly have to buy? You just went shopping last Saturday."

"I have a date with Liam tonight." 

I gave London an empty stare. I didn't believe for one second that she was some delusional teenage girl who thinks that she has something more with her tutor. Liam is twenty-five years old, older than I am. With his high yellow skin and mysterious blue eyes, he looks like the love child of Tyson Beckford and Brad Pitt. Meanwhile my fast ass baby cousin looks like Beyonce cloned herself behind Jay-Z's back, she was sexy and she knew it and she flaunted it and she was fucking her tutor!

"Well babes, I am not taking a shower until I can no longer stand my own stench and you don't have a license."

"Why're you like that Brook?" She whined proving that although she had an adult body, she was still very much a child.  

I wasn't trying to be mean to my cousin, no, I was spiting my mother.  I told her a million times that I'm grown now and she has to treat me like it, which means, coming to me and asking before volunteering me for things and then respecting my decision once it's made. 

"Kia had the baby last night." London said, crawled into my bed and booted up my ancient laptop. I sighed again, yet another one of my 'friends' has moved ahead with their life while I remain stuck in time. I went to a local college because Ma didn't want me leaving the house and picking up 'bad habits', plus if I was way upstate who would make sure I ate and put on deodorant, God knows at eighteen I would be unable to see to those things myself. After four years of college and a bachelors degree in marketing I find myself working at the local Wal-Mart, you know, putting my degree to use by stacking cans of tuna in oil on a shelf. Every day of my miserable life I wish I had the balls to stand up to my mother and the confidence to launch myself into the world. 

"What are you thinking about?" 

I stared at London, wondering if she was over my not taking her to the mall or if she was just trying to distract me. "Life." I replied.

"Or your lack thereof." She grinned. "You can't be Aunty's baby forever, when are you going to put yourself out there? You've never even had a boyfriend Brook. You're a weird chick who spends too much time with her own thoughts and honestly girl, I see a sociopath in the making." When I shot her a dirty look she smiled and spun the laptop around. "Which is why last Saturday I filled out an application  for you. Kandy Shoppe had a job fair, they were looking for guys, but the big man in charge was impressed with your portfolio, and even more impressed by your telephone conversation yesterday, he wants you to work in their marketing department in NYC."

I stared at my little cousin, she'd lost me at Kandy Shoppe. "What?"

"Kandy Kane, you know the nightclub with the male strippers, Kotton Kandy the titty bar. Come on Brook, they're the hottest adult clubs in the country, there's locations all over the place, about three in Lauderdale alone."

"I'm not going to work for a strip club. And what interview? What are you talking about?"

London rolled her eyes and pointed to the computer screen. I read the emails between her and a Mr. Howard Braxton. The man wanted me to start work next Monday, he would be in NYC that week. I had never travelled alone and I've never been to New York. "Oh my God, you're crazy." I told London, "People don't do things like this, I'm not going to New York and I'm telling Aunty Nae on you."

"Come on Brooklyn, you should try it. This is the opportunity that will stop all of those depressing Facebook posts and tweets about how evil Aunty is and how much your life sucks."

My mouth opened and closed. "Do you still wanna go to the mall?"  

"Nah, now I want to sit here and talk about New York." 

I chuckled, London is insane and this proves it. I always wanted to go to NYC, live the Carrie Bradshaw life, but that is just a fantasy. I indulged London, talking about guys and shopping although I didn't give much of a damn about any of that and I wasn't going to New York. I even talked about a future husband and babies that I'd given up on having, knowing that I wasn't stepping outside of my comfort zone into a fast paced city filled with psychos, I wasn't going to New York. London pointed to the figure that Mr. Braxton was willing to pay me, although I would bust my ass for three months at Wal-Mart before I came close to that number that I would make weekly as a trainee for Mr. Braxton, I was not moving to New York.

"Think about it and let me know, I have to send him a reply before twelve a.m. tomorrow." London said when her mother hollered for her from the living room three hours later. I nodded knowing that my mind was already made up. 

When my room door closed behind London, the pathetic looking girl with the pretty face and twelve year old body was back. This time she was sitting in bed, staring right back at me, her eyes judging me, haunting me. I turned away from the mirror, closed my eyes and released a heavy breath, a girl could dream and I was fine with letting New York, Kandy Shoppe, and Mr. Howard Braxton be one of my what-ifs, my maybes.