Chapter 17: Surreal

"Do you have everything?" Roman asked checking my duffle bag. "Listen, those people in the main office, they're sharks. They've been doing this marketing thing a long time and they think they know it all, anything you do they will dry to berate it, to tear it down and ultimately make you feel stupid, but you go in there with confidence and you go hard, okay Baby Girl?"

"Roman, I got this." I laughed, he was still looking out for me. "This isn't my first presentation and Stone is going to be there. I'll be fine."

"That's my girl."

I grinned, it was wonderful that I was still his girl. He grabbed the dufflebag and followed me downstairs. The girls were lined up at the door waiting to hug me, they were treating this like my walk to the electric chair, I didn't understand what the big deal was. I had a feeling I was walking into a battlefield unarmed. 

"Good luck Mama, remember, go in and go hard." Coco hugged me. "You're the boss of this situation, don't let those loud-mouths in L.A. intimidate you."

Kitty hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. "Scope out a couple of hotties for me now." 

Scarlet hugged me but didn't say anything, instead she made a fist and bumped it against mine then tapped my nose twice with her fore- and middle fingers then tapped the left side of her chest twice. It was a code my roommates and me had come up, it meant that even when we're away from each other we're together. I loved these people so much!

Roman drove me to the airport, suddenly I burst into tears! It was so surreal, this was deja vu. In the beginning there was Roman, he had welcomed me into my new surroundings, held my hand every step of the way, he protected me and gave me advice and he was always there for me whenever I needed him, no matter where he was or what hour I called, he was always there.

"What's wrong?"

"I love you so much Roman." He hopped out of the car, pulled the passenger door open and pulled me in to his warm embrace.

"I love you too Brooklyn." 

"I know I never say it but I appreciate everything you've done for me. Everything."

"I appreciate everything you've done for me too."

I stood back and brushed away my tears. "What have I done for you?"

"Honestly, if you weren't here when JQ left I would have just fallen apart. I haven't been away from him for this long since we met, but I had you to take care of. But you're here, I can talk to you whenever about anything and your advice is damn good!"

"How is JQ?"

"His grandma is still hanging in there, she has her good moments. I talked to him last week, he said her body is really shutting down now. No matter how much they move her she gets bed sores and she doesn't speak anymore. She's usually just laying there staring at the ceiling. It's hard for him, I may go down there in a couple of weeks."

I nodded and wrapped my arms around him. "He's not going to be here to cook our Thanksgiving meal, we're probably going to get food poisoning if we don't order in."

"I'll work on it." He chuckled.

"Good morning." Stone greeted us, he always wore a suit or a dress shirt and vest. Today he was dressed up in a blue long sleeved blouse, gray vest and gray pants. "I'm sorry to spoil the moment but I need to get checked in."

I gave Stone a bored look, I knew he could crack a smile, I knew how to get him to crack a smile. His hard exterior was merely a facade. I turned away from him and gave Roman a long squeeze. "Keep your phone on, I have a feeling I'm going to need the emotional support after meeting Daddy's new family."

"You'll be fine."

I took my bag from Roman and followed Stone into the terminal, once again I wished for the power of foresight because if I knew what was going to happen, I would have caught the next flight to the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. 

Chapter 16: Cheers

When I got home the next evening, Roman was in our room sprawled across his bed. "You okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah, just got a lot on my mind. You?"

"Same." I didn't crawl into my bed, instead I threw my laptop and duffle bags on my bed and snuggled up against Roman, he pulled me on to his chest and we sat in silence with me listening to his heart beat, slow and steady, rhythmic.

"I broke up with Flow and got a promotion yesterday."

"I figured things went well, that's why I didn't hear from you. Congratulations Mama. I landed a lead role on a TV series."

"Wow, congratulations Papa."

"Thanks." He chuckled. "For me this is a big deal, it will mean ending my contract with Braxton and Kandy Kane. I've been working for him forever, I have a sure place to live, good friends and a heavy pay check. What if I leave Braxton and this TV thing doesn't work out? Then what?"

"Then you chill for a couple of months while you try to find something else to do. You're a sexy, talented socialite, shouldn't be too hard for you to find work."

"Why thank you Miss Thang."

"That's what all of the meetings in L.A. were about?"

"Yeah. The show will be shot right here though, which means that even if  have to move out, I'll still see you on a daily basis."

I chuckled, "I'd like that." I closed my eyes and silence descended between us again, for a long while we laid there listening to each other's breathing, his heartbeat lulling me nearly to sleep. "How's JQ?"

"He's miserable, Mama J is dying slowly, he says she talks about him constantly but doesn't recognize him. She calls him David a lot."

"Who's David?"

"Her dead husband." My mouth opened and closed, Roman continued, "You should hear him now, he's gone full island boy on me. His accent is so sexy."

My eyes popped open, that was the first time I heard Roman express any interest in JQ. "I thought you saw him as a little brother."

"I do, don't you have cousins tell you you're sexy? JQ is fine, I'm not going to take that from him, if things were different, if we weren't as close as brothers and he was gay, yeah, I'd tap that." I laughed, Roman's deep chuckle vibrated through his chest. "We've got a lot to celebrate, we should go out. Shower, eat and I'll wake you at ten."

*****

The club was crowded, the music was bumping and me and Roman were staying out of the VIP. We were hanging on the main floor, leaning against a wall watching the many gyrating bodies. I felt comfortable enough with Roman to drink and I had a couple cups of vodka and cran, enough to get me bouncing to the beat.  Dom was shaking her ass in some guy's crutch, everyone else was at work so we decided to bring her with us. Dom didn't know that I knew she had it out for me, I had thought that Roman was being paranoid, but I was keeping a close eye on her too. She had suggested living with my sexy rich boyfriend a couple of times, a couple times we were out at the club she tried to get me to hook up with some guys, to cheat on my boyfriend. She also made a lot of snide remarks, remarks that I just laughed at although they struck a nerve.

I looked at her every time a guy offered to buy me a drink, every time a guy asked me to dance. I saw the look, her scrunched face, the frown. She was definitely jealous, I knew I looked a hell of a lot better than I did when I moved in, but Dom was still the queen bee, she was still immensely beautiful, lovely, gorgeous. I still thought she could do better than porn, but just as always, what she did with her body wasn't my business and I did not want to piss her off any more than I already had.

I moved onto the dance floor after my fourth drink. I was feeling hella amazing, I had survived my first month, I had survived the house of sins, I had experienced my first relationship and I was looking forward to the future. I closed my eyes and let the music guide my body as Kitty, my dance instructor, had advised. I felt a pair of strong arms around me, could smell Roman's cologne. 

"Cheers." I told him and raised my plastic cup.

"Cheers." He tapped his cup against mine, our cups exploded and our alcohol spilled all over the dance floor but we didn't care, we were in a zone and loving our lives. 

Chapter 15: Becoming Brooklyn

Fabian picked me up from work that evening, I climbed into the passenger seat of his rental Cadillac Escalade and leaned over for a kiss, he gave me a quick peck and pulled off. "How was your day baby?"

"It was awesome." I told him, "My presentation came over perfectly, Braxton was impressed and made me permanent on the spot. I got a pay increase...and I think I've been promoted." I patted the bag, "A brand new laptop and my own corner office. I guess I passed the test."

"Congratulations."

"What about you?"

"I was in the studio all day, trying to get this album done. Between that and producing Da Cross' album too, this clothing line and my endorsements I'm going to have one hell of a month."

I sighed, "I'm not going to see you then?"

"Don't worry Brook, I'll spend every free moment with my woman."

I ran my fingers through my hair and rubbed my temples, I hardly saw Fabian but I didn't want to complain, when I met him he was doing his thing in the music game, I didn't want to be a distraction or make him feel like I was trying to change him so I said nothing. Instead I turned my attention to the window and the city flying past me.

"Next week I'm going to be in L.A. at Kandy Shoppe's head office, I'm going to have to do another presentation on the massage gel, I leave next Friday and I probably won't be back until Sunday or Monday."

"I wanted to go to the Blue Note tonight, but I guess I'm just going to spend it with you."

"You're talking like you won't see me anymore this week."

"I probably won't, you know once I get in the studio I can stay there all day. I'm sorry bae."

"No, it's okay, this is your job."

We arrived at the hotel and the paps were already in place to attack us with their cameras, the hotel's security came out and opened our doors then helped us get inside. The paparazzi were all screaming questions at Fabian, asking five different things at the same time. They were shouting questions at me too, do I love my boyfriend, when is the wedding, will I be attending the Grammys with him?

We entered the hotel and caught the elevator up to his top floor penthouse apartment. Fabian pulled his shirt off as soon as we entered the apartment and kicked his pants off. "You're upset." He said and came to sit beside me.

"I never see you. When we started this whole relationship thing, I came in not wanting to get attached to you, you're a player if I've ever met one, I figured that you would have tried to have sex with me by now or at least cheated on me but you haven't, and I've gotten attached to you. I miss you so much when you're gone it's impossible, I never cared this much about anybody, but I let down my walls for you. I really like you Fabian Johnson, but I think we need to end this."

"You're breaking up with me?" He seemed amused and that pissed me off.

"Yes I'm breaking up with you. I've never had a boyfriend before, you're my first boyfriend but we haven't had a relationship, you were never here. Maybe we can try this again, when you're not so hot in Hollywood."

He rested a hand on my face and caressed my cheek with his thumb, it was hard to think with his face inches from mine. "I thought we would try to make this work."

"I want to but with your work and the media, it's too much for me. It's not how I expected my first relationship to be."

He pulled his hand back and folded it in his lap. "You've changed a lot in the past month and a half. You're not the quiet girl anymore, you're more confident, outspoken," He picked up one of my hands and kissed it. "But you're not all the way there yet, you're still becoming Brooklyn. I love what you've become, what you're becoming and I would love to love you whenever you're ready, after you've reached your potential."

Beautiful words from a singer and songwriter, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. "I love you Fabian Johnson."

"I love you too Brooklyn James."

This was hard, but I didn't run away from it, I didn't want to run away from uncomfortable situations anymore, I was growing and I wanted to keep on growing, the more difficult the situation the more I'll learn and grow. I spent the night with Fabian, we joked and laughed and watched movies. That night I slept in one of his t-shirts snuggled up against him, we got along better tonight than we had during the entire month we were...supposed to be dating. Fabian 'Flow' Johnson will always be my first boyfriend, the one who eased me into the idea of relationships, of getting to know and then loving another person as much as I loved myself and my family.

Chapter 14: Go Hard

"Indulge in your desire." I said the slogan in a slow, sensual voice and paused wondering if that vixen's tone had come from me. Initially I had put up walls and set boundaries with Flow, but once I got to know him it was a completely different story. He wasn't the superstar playboy I had imagined him to be, the player who when women tossed their pussies at him he caught them with no reservations. He was human, as human as the men who passed me on the street on the way to work. This revelation frightened me, I had never cared about any human who wasn't me and wasn't family before. Since I came to New York there were so many people that I had grown to love, my room mates, including Dom, Stone's miserable ass and then there was Flow.

Fabian Johnson had known my roommates before I did and but they had never been close, but since we got together he had genuinely started to care about them. He asked about JQ all the time and I usually didn't have an update. Roman was going through some emotional stuff after JQ left, he didn't like to talk about it. He had never told me the story about how they met or came become such close friends, but he was obviously having a difficult time during JQ's absence.

Clapping pulled me back to the conference room. I listened as one by one Mr. Braxton, Stone, the rest of the marketing department and some other Kandy Shoppe high-ups critiqued my presentation. They were impressed, I could see it on their faces and that made me proud of myself. I wanted to call my daddy, I wanted to call Fabian, I wanted to call London...I wanted to call Ma.

"What made you think of the design for the bottle, it's rather...provocative."

I smiled, there were two designs for the bottle, one was a naked female, the other was a penis. Stone had laughed until he was red in the face at the second design so the the hour glass shape won. I had worked on the label, it resembled black lace and had silver writing. I had worked out the packaging for the product as well, very easy just a box with the exact design as the label and Kandy Shoppe's logo big and bold in the center.

"I live with a porn star and strippers, it was the most obvious thing."

The boardroom roared with laughter. I looked at Stone, he was all smiles, his blue eyes lighting up, just when I thought this man couldn't do anything but smirk mischievously he learnt to laugh.

Mr. Braxton said, "Stone, I need a sample of this product in full packaging for the event next week."

"Yes sir, how many will you be needing?"

"About a hundred and fifty, and when you come do not leave Ms. James behind." When Mr. Braxton stood the rest of people in the conference room got to their feet. "Also Stone, since Ms. James is going to be here for a while, she will need more space to work with." Like the boss he is, Mr. Braxton strode out of the room and everyone else followed leaving me and Stone alone to clean up after the presentation.

"You impressed Braxton, he is not a man who is easily impressed."

"You were impressed too." I grinned.

"Okay, you got me. Braxton figured putting you in a house with Roman and his group would get you out of your shell. He has a way of reading people." Stone grinned, "We knew we were expecting you and not your cousin. Come on, lunch is on me, unless of course your boyfriend will mind."

I rolled up the printouts of my bottle designs while Stone shut down the projector. "Fabian isn't like that."

"Oh, he's Fabian now?" Stone chuckled, "Go put your things away and meet me in my office."

"Sure." I caught Stone looking at my ass as I stepped out of the conference room. In the month that I'd been in NYC, I went from a size two pants to a size five, I went from one hundred pounds to one ten. I ate three full meals a day and snacked in the middle, and beers are fattening. Dom had also taught me the maternity vitamin trick, so my skin and hair always had a healthy glow. I wasn't gaining any more weight but my ass and breasts were ballooning, I went from an A cup to a 44 B and my behind was getting wider and rounder. Coco and Kitty were convinced that me and Fabian were having sex, as if they were oblivious to how much I was eating. There was just so much food in New York, in Florida I only ate pizza, Wendy's or a home cooked meal on Sundays. I kept up with my salon appointments which meant that my hair and nails were always immaculate and as far as clothes went, Fabian's stylist made sure that I always had a new outfit.

I took one of the seats in front of Stone's desk, he handed me a computer bag with the Kandy Shoppe logo on it. "Macbook, fully loaded with Photoshop and all of the other programs you requested. Mr. Braxton got it as a congratulatory gift when I told him how well you were doing. It's yours, personally. Because you are the only one here with any graphical skills, you get the second corner office, we've already had your computer moved in there, everything else will be moved there once you get back."

"No way! I've been using Skype on my cell phone, it's going to be amazing to finally see my cousin at a more life-like size. Oh my gosh! This is amazing!" I squealed.

Stone chuckled, "Well leave the computer here and let's get lunch."

I followed Stone downstairs to his car, a recent model Audi R8. I got into the passenger seat and buckled my seat belt. I was surprised when we pulled into the parking lot at Aureole, Stone only brought investors here when they were desperate for their business--as desperate as Braxton and Kandy Shoppe could get. The maitre d' led us to our booth, an intimate little spot at the back of the dining room.

"Wow, this is a nice place." I said looking around me at the five star eatery, I've never even eaten in a place like this with Fabian, we usually hung out in his suite or ate at one of the bars he frequented.

A waitress wasted no time handing us menus. We decided to keep it simple and have whatever was on the prix fixe menu today. A three course meal at what I thought was a reasonable price.

"Do you like working at Kandy Shoppe?" Stone asked me.

"I love it. Honestly, working at an adult entertainment company was not something I ever thought I would be doing. At twenty-two I was pretty sure I would be working at a small company in Florida and living with my mother for the rest of my life."

"Sounds like fun." He said sarcastically. "You didn't have any ambition to do better?"

I chuckled, "Where I come from, 'doing better' is finding a man who wants to marry you, popping out a few kids, while working the same nine to five until you die. Even if I moved away and got a job, Kandy Shoppe wasn't where I thought I'd be. I love it because it is so out of the box."

"And what about your roommates?"

"I never thought I'd be living with strippers and a porn star that's for sure."

"They're celebrity strippers and an adult entertainment star, socialites, maybe not on the same level as you are because of your relationship with Flow, but you have to respect their achievements."

"Well, yeah. You know what I mean. But I love them like my family, they've been more like family than my actual family, it's good to know somebody has my back." The waitress came back with our first course. "So, when are you going to tell me about this new assignment Braxton talked about."

"Do you think you're up for it?"

"I don't even know what it is, but I'm feeling like I'm on top of the world right now."

"Every year we release a new line of products. He wants you to be there since you're working on what we're now calling the Desire Project. Basically we'll introduce Desire Massage Oil & Lubricant along with some other Kandy Shoppe project. Pleasure Room is the department of Kandy Shoppe that works with adult products. That's lubricants, massage oils, lingerie, sex toys, condoms..."

"I get it."

"The event usually involves a lot of...how do I say this...?" He rolled his eyes to the ceiling, "Testing and showcasing."

"Meaning?"

"A lot of naked women and men showing off the use of our products."

I dropped the fork, "There's actually going to be people having sex there?"

"Not exactly, actors."

"They're still going to be having sex."

"I guess you're right. Braxton really wants you there, but you don't have to go unless you want to."

"I want to, I signed up for this."

"Cheers." He grinned and took a sip of his water.

Roman had told me that my roommates had lived by the motto: go in and go hard, I was already in this, it was time for me to go hard.

Chapter 13: Return to the Real World

I sat on the breakfast bar watching JQ pace the living room with his cell phone glued to his ear, Roman leaned on the counter beside me. Left, right, left, right. He had withdrawn into himself in the past month and I was worried that it was my fault. Ever since the kiss he's been avoiding the apartment. I was worried about him, we were all worried about him. Roman, being JQ's best friend, knew what was going on, but he wasn't saying anything to anybody and trust me I'd tried to get it out of him. I wondered if Roman knew about our kiss, he hadn't said anything. I frowned, ever since I stepped out as Flow's girlfriend Roman didn't have much to say to me.

I sighed, I was having problems of my own. When the news about me and Flow broke a week after we agreed to a relationship, London had called and put me on speakerphone there were a couple of her screeching friends in the background. My mother had pretty much called me a whore and told me that I knew what I was coming New York for and not to call her when I got my heart broken, then she hung up. I called Daddy, apparently my 'sister' had been watching E! News when they flashed my picture across the screen, his main thing was how much I looked like his mother. Dating a celebrity was overwhelming, I had a better relationship with Flow's cell phone and Twitter account than I had with him. He was spending a ridiculous amount of time in L.A., never mind the fact that his label was based in NYC, he was trying to do the movie and modelling thing and get his clothing line launched. Paparazzi stalked me and their main focus was where I worked and my connection with Kandy Shoppe.

"What's going on with you?" Roman asked.

"Oh, you care now?" I snapped, he frowned at me. "I've been trying to talk to you for a month now but I don't know, you're acting like you're upset with me."

He shrugged and folded his arms. "I'm sorry, JQ had me distracted."

I didn't say anything. It was a Saturday, usually nobody was at home on the weekend, nobody but me unless Flow was in town. JQ stuck his cell phone in his pocket and when he turned around he looked like hell. "I've got to go man."

Roman walked over and wrapped JQ in a tight hug, I was thrown when JQ started crying on Roman's shoulder. I did not do emotions and the only thing I thought JQ was capable of feeling was wicked. I didn't run away because New York and my room mates had made me nosey, I wanted to know what all the tears were about. "It's okay Jay." Roman murmured to him. I don't know if I mentioned how beautiful the relationship between the two of them were, but they made me melt every time they interacted.

Fifteen minutes later JQ was all cried out and he disappeared into his room. Roman stared at me for a while then stuck his hands in his pockets. "Remember I told you we all have our stories." He left the apartment, he and JQ were so emotionally connected they couldn't stand when the other was unhappy, I felt guilty about snapping at him.

I hopped down from the table and pushed JQ's room door open without knocking, he was sitting on the bed staring at his toes. "What's going on?" I asked him, getting right to the point.

"My grandma's dying." His voice cracked and he took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." I said and patted his shoulder awkwardly.

He gave me a small smile. "You are really terrible with people." He took another deep breath and released it through his nose. "My dad was working in Cuba, construction, and my mother's parents owned a restaurant where the guys usually ate. My mother was only fifteen years old when she got pregnant with me, she was a smart girl, had a bright future, my grandparents were devastated and angry. They kicked her out of the house, she was a kid trying to raise a kid, laying on her back for a buck so she could buy formula and diapers." He sighed and flopped backward, his empty gaze went to the ceiling, "She always reminded me how my birth ruined her life, how she had to sell pussy because of me. I was five years old and I hated myself, when I got older I hated her, I didn't tell her to spread her legs for a thirty year old man, I didn't tell her not to use a condom. Anyways, my father would send money, he'd come pick me up in the summers and take me to St. Lucia so I could spend time with his other kids and his parents. His other children hated me, I wasn't their mother's child, I was the reason their parents weren't together so I lived mostly with my grandparents.

"When Lucian went to America and met the Ugandan woman--he was one of those Afrocentric Rastas, so marrying a woman from the motherland was a big deal--he stopped. He stopped sending money, he stopped coming to pick me up, so my grandfather would come to Cuba to get me. Grandpa taught me how to fish, how to fix a car and he only spoke to me in Creole." He laughed, "I missed him so much when he died, but I still had my grandmother. Mama J taught me how to cook and bake, she was always in the kitchen and damn could she dance! Those beach parties, as old as she was she could shake her ass better than any of the young girls.

"My mother died when I was eight, she had HIV for a while and I watched her waste away, I had to take care of her while she was sick. She died and she never told me she loved me. Mama J told me she loved me all the time, she would always say, 'Jaraji, I love you but God loves you best baby'. She sent my uncle to get me after my mother died, my Cuban grandparents didn't give a damn if I was living or dead, I had to look out for myself, but Mama J had my back.  And then she had the stroke and couldn't take care of me anymore, my Aunt took her in but couldn't be bothered to take care of her sick mother, her six kids and me. I was thirteen when my father brought me over here. I grew up in Florida. I was really into hip-hop back then, dancing, composing the music, and graffiti art was big too.

"The Ugandan didn't like me, didn't like kids. She was a narcissist, too concerned with maintaining her body. My father loved her, so when she had enough of playing mommy to me, he was done with being daddy and I was right back to where I'd been after my mother died. Fending for myself. Mama J called me all the time, right leg was paralyzed and she had limited mobility on that side of her body but she always called, and every time I changed address or my phone, I made an effort to call. She was never too sick to tell me she loved me. When I started working for Braxton, I was making enough money to sit comfortably and make sure that she did the same, I sent her money all the time. Money for food, adult diapers, her medical bills and I visited every summer.

"Last week she had another stroke, she doesn't even know what year it is, doesn't remember her own children most days, but she always remembers me. I really don't want to see her sick Brooklyn, I don't think I can handle it."

I held his hand while he blinked back tears, "She remembers you, she wants to see you JQ."

He brushed away a couple of stray tears. "I don't want her to die."

"Please don't cry, it makes me nervous." He rested his head on my shoulder and squeezed the hand I was holding. "I told Roman that once I go, I won't be back until after her funeral, no matter how long that takes."

"Do what you have to."

"I don't want to leave Roman, he needs me."

"I'll keep an eye on Roman." He gave me another weak smile. I sat on his bed while he packed his bag, I sat there while he booked his ticket and when he flung the dufflebag on his shoulder my heart fell. He was leaving and not sure when he would return and I missed the hell out of him already.

"Don't forget to look out for my boy." JQ pulled me in to a warm hug, I pressed my face up against his chest and inhaled deeply, trying to commit his smell to memory, the feel of his body against mine, his smile, his eyes, those dimples that I loved so much. He tilted my head up and gave me a soft kiss before leaving the house. I went to my room and collapsed face first on the bed. It finally hit me, my fucked up relationship with Flow, having to watch my back with Dom and JQ leaving, I had been in limbo while I was at my mother's house, my life was on hold and while I gained a year every June 28th, I remained safe at seventeen years old. Now that I stepped out of the safe zone, real life was coming to get me, it was bringing all the drama that I had been protected from.

 My one month grace period was over, it was time to get real or get got; go in and go hard.